I was supposed to go out tonight, I bought a very expensive ticket to see John Grant at the end of his tour - it was my birthday present to myself and the only thing I’ve ‘done’ this year. I was really looking forward to it. Kept the eTicket on my desktop and checked the times repeatedly. Somehow my fucked up brain - which sometimes can’t remember what day it is - managed to get the word Thursday and Friday mixed up. I woke this morning - all excited - to the reviews of a show I missed. Apparently, it was very good. I feel dead inside. I didn’t deserve that. I should probably go back to the doctors and tell them I’m not getting much better and I’m sick of having to write everything down 100 times.
Been doing a horrible piece of work that will probably be squeezed from 3 days to 2 - partly so the client can save money. It’s not as if I have bills to pay or anything. I’ve actually done a really good job, I’m happy with it. Waiting for more feedback.
I’ve been usurped on a job by another designer - someone I have been introduced to in the past but always looks through me, like I don’t exist. I have a feeling that one client only uses me when they have to - and even then as a last resort - because of my accident - they just don’t trust me any more. I don’t make mistakes at work, only in what’s left of my personal life.
Bumped into an old friend and his wife, he had a stroke about 3 years ago that affected him badly but he’s much recovered now - he’s had a lot of support at home. I also think his parents are buying him a house as obviously - he hasn’t been able to work much (he’s in education). It was good to see him so well.
On Wednesday we held the last regular Polari literary Salon in the bar downstairs. One of the guests was the author Maureen Duffy, she was very good. Another author, who was in his 70’s - read a passage from a book that included a long, detailed and vigorous account of a blow-job. As the event is Arts Council funded, there was a Sign Language interpreter It was quite a spectacle…. The audience was transfixed by her detailed and heartfelt pantomime. She clearly had some considerable experience.
I’m working on the door at the bar downstairs tomorrow night. I’m starting to think it’s the only real work people will trust me with - that, and doing stuff for free.