Wednesday, 22 October 2014


Today, as I was leaving the house, I caught sight of myself in the mirror - I was purple, this may have had something to do with being very angry. I've had 2 days of working until very late on a project that as been managed so differently to the way I would have done it - it's horribly frustrating, and makes me wonder why I still bother. I hate the result, it's being shown to the client later today and I'm convinced that they will either hate everything or go for a solution that is teeth grittingly awful.

I'm getting a few hours respite while I catch up on other things, but still not calmed down much.

It's suddenly very cold. It;'s a shock, but I'll be OK in a few days when I've got used to it. At least it isn't raining.

Monday, 20 October 2014

Monaday night

Today has been a bit shit, work wise - and very frustrating. 10pm and still struggling with a badly organised, badly brief piece of work.

I moved the furniture around earlier to let off steam, seem to have totally lost all sense of spacial awareness, made a complete mess of things, and the dogs HATE the changes.

I have to talk to the director of a C4 documentary about some work I did years ago that became high profile and very 'controversial' - and the ongoing court cases etc about attribution and all that bollocks, I really don't know what to do with that one - I have some fairly comprehensive archives and all the factual information they need. If I help - I'm not sure how I'll end up - if I don't, they will get things wrong - and I've been fucked about too much already. Not keen on the idea of being on telly.

Working at home tomorrow due to anticipated storm, as I may end up on the kitchen roof with a hammer and nails again.


Waiting for another large and unnecessary piece of former shop furniture to arrive at the house - moved a lot of furniture around yesterday to accommodate it - I'm turning the front room into a studio - I've never been the kind of person that sits and watched television.

Bonfire night here on Saturday - quite enjoyed it - thousands of people, I left before it got too messy and too drunk. Have a friend who lives in town so the vantage point of his front garden was ideal. Got chatting to one of his mates called 'Danny' - turned out he was the 'superstar DJ' Danny Rampling. I have to confess that's an entire genre that has passed me by, I have no idea whatsoever what he does. Nice bloke. I had to leave because there was a drunk girl there 'down from London' who was exploiting the occasion to be as phenomenally rude as possible to everyone. I couldn't be bothered.

Bought the Vivienne Westwood autobiography. I cannot be the only person who gets a thrill when they pick up a book and it's actually much bigger than you expected, I blame the small portions my parents would feed us as children. It's very well produced, they have used some very nice typefaces and an open wove paper with a warm, pulpy feel - the kind that holds a lot of air - so if you tap the book it sounds hollow. I'll enjoy reading it.

I made a lasagna yesterday and ate too much - as a result I had a number of quite phenomenally bad nightmares. I should have known better.

Having a really difficult time at work with a very difficult client, struggling with the relationships between them, the people I'm working with and the actual work itself.

It's still unseasonably warm, a couple of years ago we were about to go into a blizzard, there are still things flowering in my garden and I'm sitting here in a short sleeve shirt with all the windows open.

There are two occasions this week when I may need to go to Croydon, dreading it already - one on Friday which means I'll probably miss another concert.

Supposed to be getting paid by someone today - need it, have let my admin slide a bit.

Lynda Bellingham has died, which is sad enough - but she's probably done more for the rights of the terminally ill in a short space of time than anyone of her generation - my father was simply processed by the NHS when he had cancer and almost certainly had treatment he neither needed nor wanted - but simple accepted it. People do need to be able to make their own choices.

My own connection with Lynda Bellingham is so tenuous it's comic. In the Oxo adds, she had a daughter - an actress who's parents ran a small theatre school in Whitechapel during the early 1990's when I lived their. They were a bunch of delusional oddballs - working their way through a number of talentless wannabees. The girl herself was actually an overweight and very tall goth during her 'non Oxo' time. And quite rude.

Friday, 17 October 2014


After an awful day on Wednesday and a couple of unsatisfactory meetings on Thursday morning, I did something I never usually do - I met a friend for lunch and went to the pub for the rest of the afternoon. I've also given up on this week and took the whole of Friday off, staying at home, in the peace and quiet - not actually thinking about anything. I really needed it. I'm invited to a couple of events tonight - but I think it's quite unlikely I'll go to either.

My mate told me an anecdote about Meryl Streep yesterday that just cemented my opinion that she isn't very nice. You can just tell.

I'm probably going to go into work on Sunday to make up time, tomorrow night it's Bonfire night here in Hastings, very large procession and giant bonfire etc - I'm probably going to spend the evening at a friends house o the route. Might take pictures. It's very pagan.

I had an ear infection a few weeks back - nothing major - but I still have a deeply uncomfortable pain under my jaw, lying in bed this morning I managed to convince myself I had something living in there, had convinced myself I could feel it move.

They are talking about body bags on the radio - I'm even sure what the context is - I'm assuming Ebola. I know a couple of people who are real hypocondiacs, one in particular almost had a complete mental breakdown during the non existent Bird Flu crisis, I expect they are already boarding the windows up.

I've accidentally become the owner of a large MDF studio set of alcoves - I'm thinking of making the front room into a studio - it will be ideal.

I have half an hour left to decide if I'm going out later - it's not looking good.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014


Today was difficult. I had to be in Brighton at 8am - I was expecting a 1 hour meeting from 9 - 10ish - ended up being there 8 hours. Very, very difficult client, totally inconsistent and insecure, lots of conversations like -

"Green, do you think green, or blue - I like green, but I like blue as well - or red, but greeny blue and red, or greeny red - or blue, or green - do you think green - who else does green?"

It was exhausting, heartbreaking and professionally humiliating, and this is after we had put together some of the best work of my life - and both myself and the people I'm working with are effectively going to lose money on this - but we persevere.

Had a nightmare journey home, too depressed to report it now, got home so late I missed the Johnny Marr concert.

That is my life.

Monday, 13 October 2014