This week has been rubbish - it's as if someone, somewhere really wants to crush me. I rounded it off by losing all sense of myself and committing a crime. Becuase I just don't care anymore (sometimes).
I cleared the fences from the garden - dug out all the footings - made space for the guy to work easily and even cleared next doors garden for her as she watched me through the window, but I've just had an email to say he can't do the job after all and would I be able to find someone else instead. I had managed to get a decent rate from him (he owed me some favours and I gave him a load of lead to fix his roof last year) - so I'm really gutted. And very short of cash.
Yesterday I moved a cupboard and it collapsed like a house of cards. It reminded me of a very expensive shelving unit I bought from Habitat once that took ages to put together - it was made up using wooden dowels/pegs rather than screws. As soon as you tried to move it or dismantle it - it became unstable. Same thing. Total waste of money.
I was asked to go to a meal earlier in the week - it had been mentioned casually - a meal with entertainment - but I hadn't given it any thought and my short term memory kept losing it. On the day, I was reminded and it was too late to back out. I found myself on a table with a client and two really important and well know people in my industry - I was tired, grubby (I went straight from work and assumed it would be more casual) and wearing a jumper with a toothpaste stain on the front (because my mouth is wrecked now - the bit they rebuilt is numb and does not close fully - it leaks - I get toothpaste on everything and don't wear my glasses at home so keep missing it until too late. Having a spot of toothpaste on the front of my jumper has became a calling card). I couldn't make sensible conversation and felt like an idiot. The entertainment included a couple of comedians - down from 'London' and well known. They were very clever - the cleverest one told jokes that were literally on the edge of what's legal and acceptable - I must be getting old.
All this week I have been getting work leads that come to nothing - I've still not even had the courtesy of a call or email from the client who wanted me to clear December and January - and then didn't give me the work. It's the third time they have done it to me. One of the guys in the studio looks like he has a full year of guaranteed work coming up - that's nice for him. I have no idea what I'm doing after xmas or where my income will be coming from.
The house smells so damp I had to buy scented candles.
Today (Sunday) was the first time in months I've woken up and small dog hasn't pissed in the house somewhere. It won't last - I give her until lunch time.
I was supposed to take a few days off from the studio to work at home while the fences were being fixed - clearly now I won't have to. I'm going to try and see if I can source everything I need at decent prices myself and take it from there. I got carried away this week and bought a couple of aluminium enclosure cases so that I can turn two old hard drives into a server setup and time machine backup. I'm now wondering if I should have saved the money.
Had a couple of headaches in the week - probably due to being tired - I'm looking forward to taking a break so I can try and catch up on this year. My memory is still rubbish. I was looking through the wardrobe and found a Debenhams bag with a pair of Levis in it and the receipt from July - I have absolutely no memory of buying them at all. Not complaining.
I have grown a beard. My first ever 'real' beard - It hides my wonky mouth nicely and requires little effort - just trimming around the neck so I don't itch. I think I'm probably hiding behind it.
I did a bad thing. I went to Aldi on Saturday and did some basic shopping. They have a giant pile of socks, slippers and hats. I pick up one of the caps because I needed a new one and it actually looked quite nice and better quality than the others. When I turned it over and looked at the label, it was from Aquascutum - brand new and worth about £40 - clearly someone has tried a cap on - taking theirs off first - and then forgotten to pick their own back up. I looked around - seriously - there wasn't a single person in there who would wear an Aquascutum hat - some of them had two heads. I couldn't see a member of staff to give it to who looked trustworthy -s o I did something totally out of character. I put it on my head and went home with it. I honestly don't think I've ever stolen anything in my life before. I'll probably be punished for it, somehow - although I can't see how things can really get any worse.