Sunday

Staggeringly traditional church service on the radio - makes a change, they have been getting quite creative and disturbing recently. That reminds me - article in the Daily Mail this week full of shock and outrage at the BBC because they are planning to film 'Songs of Praise' at the makeshift church built by Christian refugees and asylum seekers in Calais. Apparently it's a scandalous waste of licence fee payers money. I may not subscribe to religion myself - but we are supposed to be in a Christian Country, and considering how much grief these people have probably been through in their lives ( most of the 'parishioners' are from the Sudan and Ethiopia) - let them find comfort where they will. I'd have assumed it was an excellent idea for the show. Whilst we're on the subject - more shock and outrage that a man was able to walk nearly 30 miles through the channel tunnel - dodging the electricity and frequent passing high speed trains - he was spotted at one point but it was considered too dangerous to try and rescue him. The general theme was, again, outrage - as if we were being invaded by a savage, rabid beast - "how could this be allowed to happen" said the Daily Mail - when it should have been 'How was he able to survive, and isn't it a miracle". He must have been desperate.

Staggeringly few refugees want to come to the UK compared to other EU states, we're the end of the line for them - and we take a fraction compared to other countries. Immigrants contribute positively to our economy - putting in far more than they take out, and almost all want to go home, as long as home can be made safe for them and they are able to live there. Some of the racism, cruelty and selfishness that I've seen and heard over the last few weeks depresses me beyond belief.

Felt rubbish yesterday - I think it may have been the heat - I had to go to bed in the afternoon. A month without any exercise has really taken it's toll - that and something else I don't want to talk about yet that I was bullied into doing by a very selfish person who seems detached from the real world. I have to do something today that I don't want to - but it will absolve me from any obligation whatsoever to someone and put me in a position where I can cheerfully tell they to fuck off. If there is one thing that really annoys me, it's when someone cheerfully declares that they are slightly on the autistic spectrum as a way to absolve themselves from any social responsibility or need to treat people with respect or courtesy.

This article neatly encapsulates everything I have been saying about student debt for the last few years and why I no longer teach.

I think I'm busy all day tomorrow - also a piece of furniture is arriving at 8am that I'm 'sort of' swapping for something else - It will sort out all my bedroom storage problems forever and it's something that I can sell at a profit if I ever need to. If it all works out - I'll post a picture.

I need to look at my work situation too - in all honestly, and this REALLY isn't the sort of thing I usually say - I don't want to go back to work. I'm ok about new stuff and going forward, but in my head I'm still really vague and confused about everything before the accident. I really just want it all to go away, but I can't afford to do that. I need to try and get my head around everything and just resolve it. I was lucky I had enough money in the bank not to have to worry about anything while I was recovering over the last month - and I'd paid a lot of bills in advance - in fact, the timing couldn't have been better if I'd planned it. Today I just need to finalise the insurance by selecting a new bike and closing the account on my iphone and paying off the contract - they sent me a new sim card so I can just return to PAYG. That's £30 a month I've saved. I turned off almost all the internet based functions a few weeks ago and never noticed anything. Who needs facebook on a work phone? The only app I ever used more than once was the Pizza Express restaurant locator because it was better than google map.

I saw someone on Friday that hadn't seen me for a while - apparently if you don't look too closely or see me in passing - I look fairly normal - having stubble helps, and wearing glasses. I think I look OK too now. Years ago I had a conversation with a friend about someone we had seen on TV who was trying to get a plastic surgery for a scar that I honestly didn't think made any difference - stuff like that really never bothers me - I was told at the time that "if it was you - you'd be first in the line" - and I'm not - I was never that happy with my looks but not particularly bothered, I seem to care even less now. Another friend has very bad acne scars  (this had to be pointed out to me,  I hadn't noticed - that's how dim I can be) and years ago his father offered to pay for dermabrasion to reduce them but he had refused, he's very happy and his life has turned out really well - he has a beard sometimes but even without it - I think he's very good looking and very likeable - regardless of the scars. He has a lot of friends and I really don't think anyone cares.

I made vegetable soup yesterday - this will be about the third or fourth time I've prepared food and then not been able to eat it. Still have no sense of taste or palette for anything - I've been living on pre-prepared stuff that I can't get interested in and costs far too much. Although, I've stopped buying things like tiramisu to pack in a few calories and get a sense of flavour.

I tried cleaning the house again yesterday - this time upstairs. The amount of dog hair that's accumulated recently is just absurd. Now that small dog is older she has much finer, grey hair that goes into dreadlocks very quickly. Alfie greyhound still sheds enough hair to build a new dog every week, but he's much less mobile now - mostly sleeping, but less of a problem.

I know it's wrong - but I honestly can't face dealing with this at the moment.

They are now talking about Ted Heath on the radio AGAIN. I've always made a point of ignoring anything in the media about pedophiles or associated investigations. It's not that I don't care - I just don't understand it. I can't fathom why anyone would have an interest in children, or why they would possibly act on it - it's not something I want to understand or have in my head - so I just leave it in the background. I do find it disturbing how much glee these cases cause in the media, it's another form of pornography for some people. Obviously, a high profile person is going to attract a lot of attention - but in the calm after the Saville storm - it feels as if people want their next 'hit' of horror. I really do think these things should be managed really carefully - there are no winners here, regardless of the outcome. I'm particularly disturbed by the Janner thing - I'd never heard of him before and I don't want to know anything about the case, but I do think the issue of the someone with Alzheimer's being accused of a crime, ANY crime - is a very difficult one. Years ago I remember a newspaper article about an elderly woman with dementia being taken to court for shoplifting something really stupid like a child's doll (can't remember now) and I recall as a child (at home on a 'sick day') and almost identical story being on 'Crown Court' one afternoon. It scared the life out of me - we had some real problems with my mother in the last few years when she was ill and a few difficult occasions that required help from the authorities - I like to think that people are wise enough to manage these things well and privately - I am uncomfortable that the Janner thing will create a possible precedent that we don't need.