Tomorrow it will be exactly a month since the accident. Still have some pain, getting headaches a lot and my memory isn't great - but I'm mobile - my hands work well, I'm starting to be able to use my arm and I'm actually in a really great frame of mind, despite everything - feeling positive. I'm actually looking fantastic and tomorrow I'm going to put the mirrors back into the hall and bathroom (I took them down after I returned from hospital - it was easier). One of the great things has been how much I've learned about people. Some have been really kind, much kinder than I expected, and often, not the people I anticipated. My family have been great and most of my clients have given me plenty space. I understand that work needs to be done, if they have to use other people - that's fine, I'm not phased by that - they just have to tell me. I've been going through work and I'm surprised how difficult it is, and how vague my feelings and memories are about projects, but I know I have to get back in the saddle and I have a meeting with a client on Monday - so back to normal.
I had begun thinking that is had been an oddly positive experience. I have no traumatic memories, it's mostly a blank, I had a very positive experience with both the emergency and medical services - I've taken time to give myself new perspective on life, friends and the world. So - yeah, I thought I was OK with things. But obviously the real worlds has to come thundering back.
Someone I'm quite friendly with took advantage of my situation to try and muscle into a project last week - I stood my ground, but was a bit chilled and very disappointed by their attitude, and the fact that they thought it was an OK thing to do. Another acquaintance has stunned me by taking advantage of my good nature and less than robust position to really, really take the piss. I don't particularly like them, nor do we have a very close relationship - but I'm friendly with them and have been kind to them. Now I never want to see or hear from them again. Additionally - a client has really shafted me, and is attempting to get out of paying me for a lot of work that was very difficult, very important for them and done under less than ideal circumstances. I had to repeatedly put them first. Moved other clients aside and really helped them out. I'm actually quite stunned, I had noticed that they had changed over the last year or so with new appointments and possibly cash issues - they have used other, cheaper people to do work I would normally get - that doesn't bother me - it's just reality, and frankly - none of it has ever been very good. They also lied to me a couple of times unnecessarily about something insignificant - which was pointless and hurtful. I don't intend working for them again, a big part of what I do requires trust and a good working relationship - and that is gone. I really need to get paid, I've lost much more than a months work and money is running out now. I think more than anything I've learned a bit about people and myself, and I've probably come back a little bit harder and a little bit less nieve. Part of me just wants to draw a line after today and let the whole past go - all my work, everything - and just start from scratch with a new perspective. I might buy a lottery ticket.
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