Saturday, 15 August 2015

Saturday. Six weeks on.

I got up early-ish today, after having planned to get a lot done today. Last night I pushed the boat right out and folded some shirts. The house is really dirty - I cannot believe how much dog hair accumulates in a short space of time. A couple of friends came round earlier in the week to move a cupboard for me and I just kept apologising for the mess.

Physically - things are looking good. I'm not bothered about the scars around my eye and my glasses and regrowing eyebrow have done sterling work there to hide them. My mouth actually looks pretty good, talking has helped stretch the scar tissue on the inside and it's mostly mobile and not really noticeable unless I get nervous. Mornings take a long time to get started, still very stiff in the face, head and shoulders but the numbness and pins and needles are fading and I get less headaches.

On the other hand - the reality of having a head injury isn't at all what I imagined or expected. I wasn't really warned about this at the hospital and the photocopied sheets they gave me went unread. Once I stopped taking meds and started getting back to myself - or at least trying to, I've had to try and get used things being a bit different. I now know that being unconcious for a couple of hours puts me in the 'moderate' head injury group and I can expect things to take 6-9 months to settle down. Whatever that means. I'm still getting incredibly tired and haven't put any weight back on yet, I'm loathe do anything that involves my arms or shoulders in case I end up back where I was, but I crave exercise and activity.  Work is nigh on impossible - I'm managing a few hours at a time before I either have to give up or realise I'm actually just staring at a screen.

Getting a really big bump on the head seems to have changed things for me. I'm finding it much harder concentrate, everything seems very vague, my memory is terrible. Sitting down to watch a film and realising that suddenly it's just the end credits, putting it back on from the start and- yep, it's suddenly the end again - is commonplace. I can't read much and I'm pretty detached from most things. Trying to fathom everything I was doing before the accident is like looking at it through a frosted glass window.

Now that I've had the opportunity to talk to people about things, I've realised that I'm not just going to bounce back to normal. I've contacted my clients and hived off a lot of work, explained the situation and thought about what I'm going to try and complete, and then I need to take some time off. I was very lucky that I was roughly solvent at the time so I didn't need to worry about money, but it's drying up now. Oddly enough - worrying is something I just don't seem to be able to do. It's like I'm floating above the top of things. A couple of people I have spoken to at length have said that they noticed something different and that I seem to be a nicer person, less frustrated and angry. I'm not sure what that means. I've been thinking of making a few more profound changes - I'm not going to go back to who and where I was before. I don't even think I want to. If I can get my head around cleaning and sorting stuff out at home today - I'll feel like I achieved something - but generally I take it as it comes - I spent most of Thursday and Friday either asleep or pretending to be awake (but it was very hot and muggy - deeply unpleasant weather).

One thing that's getting better - I've stopped getting deeply disturbing emotional rushes at odd times. Bursting into tears when people are talking to you is never ideal, it's just isn't very me - especially when it's in the COOP.

In other news - we had so much rain the other day that there were white water rapids outside the house, running down the hill. But by some miracle - the roof didn't leak.

The COOP is closed for a week for a total re-fit. Excited about that, they are incredibly expensive but the staff are really nice to you.

I have a friend who's business is one year old this month - myself and another friend have decided to mark the occasion by buying her a bottle of champagne each. I had no idea it was so expensive - I don't even like the stuff.

My entire facebook feed seems to be people rowing about Corbyn, mostly with no idea what they are talking about.

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