Shit/Fan

Must be something in the air, or the stars, or the water. Everything can turn shit so quickly - on the world stage, in the economy, in my industry, in my house. I should have known better than to be in a good mood earlier in the week. Sitting outside Costa at 8am on Thursday morning in the sunshine, happy with the work I've dome over the last few weeks and planning on doing some practical work on the house was obviously just tempting fate.

I had one of those kick-in-the-teeth moments yesterday when something , totally unexpected and out of my control - the sort of thing people describe as 'having the stool kicked out from under you' - it's a powerful and very appropriate metaphor. It's a work thing I won't bore you with but could have massive implications, I sort of anticipated it in some ways - but that does not make it much easier.

Work is very difficult at the best of time - I find myself 'too big' for most projects - or too expensive for anything local, so working as part of a team really helps but if I'm the creative lead - I get to do the really difficult part at the front, very quickly - and then hand over to people who get 4 or 5 times as much paid work to do, so despite being the most important and senior role - it's the worst paid in relative terms, the least secure and the most difficult. I don't have a problem with that - I like work, I like my role and I like the work that I'm getting - but despite the fact I'm always busy - it's not enough, I'm really not making enough money - the drama of being a single income household with an expensive mortgage and an irregular income is getting a bit wearing - no matter how hard I work - something comes along and fucks everything up. I really need to find the money to make this house saleable - and move closer into the town centre, I really need to get better paid work, or at least more clients and I really need some stability, I'm pretty pissed off with being one missed payment or cancelled job from chaos,and I'm sick of clients booking me and then cancelling at the last moment, or wasting my time asking for 'advice'. I'm supposed to be in London for 3 days next week but I have a very real anxiety about that now - a lot of long term plans have been thrown up in the air and I went to bed last night frankly not that bothered if I ever work up again. When I did, I checked the news and saw nothing but brief, stupidity and malice - and a bunch of wankers on a TV show desperate for fame.

Talking of which, I've given it some thought and decided that - despite all his good works - Jamie Oliver really is a wanker. Someone should take Miley Cyrus out and shoot her. John Kerry needs to take a good, hard look in the mirror and be better briefed - Syria is NOT the only country since WW1 to use chemical weapons, they have been used extensively since then by many countries, both in combat and testing - but mostly by the USA, or does Napalm and Agent Orange not count?? Thermite was used extensively during the Gulf war by the USA to destroy columns of traffic leaving the war zone, an indiscriminate weapon of choice by all the best superpowers. The USA has an appalling human rights record and is in no position to pontificate and preach. Claiming the moral high ground is pretty rich indeed.

Someone also needs to explain to me how a football player can be worth £100 milion.