A very dark day.

It's been a terrible day - for me and everyone else.

Asside from the politics - which is just heartbreaking, and I can't think about now, but the builder came this morning and gave me the bad news.

I will need to go through a full planning process - it will take at least 8 weeks, I need a surveyor and I need about £6k - which I don't have. It's going to be fucking awful. I may also ned to have the house propped up. I know the guy vaguely and we have a lot of friends in common, and he is very good at his job - he won't fuck me over. I need to have it done, but the process is filling me with horror. I'm all out of ideas.

When I finally arrived at work I had a message from an old girlfriend from school. My best friend at school was a guy called Robert. He was great. I liked his parents and I really liked his sister too. When he was 21 he had a relationship with a married woman who treated him quite badly. As a consequence he became very depressed and took his own life. The last time I saw him, he was with her - he looked incredibly happy. He died soon afterwards. His sister, Alison - contacted my friend after nearly 30 years and sent a message to me to thank me for being his friend. I can't explain to you how much that upset me. It's heartbreaking.

edit - it just gets better - I've just been told that a friend has advanced pancreatic cancer.