I made a point of not going out in the end, I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I cleaned up a computer hard drive and made a lot of lists - not as easy as it sounds.
I spent quite a lot of time on the internet trying to gather information on adding a tie to the front of my house to support the bay window. It’s quite clear that the bay is being pushed forward because of damage in the fire of 1986 - the repair work had been hidden and wasn’t noticed by my surveyor. Clearly the single story bay is being pushed forward by the weight of the roof and windows - about 4mm in the last 10 years but I don’t know how much before - it was too well hidden, but I suspect about an inch. I think that a simple metal band across the front strapping it to the house will be enough, there isn’t that much weight on it and I’m 100% sure that there is no subsidence or sagging below. I’ve spoken to a builder and an architect already - I know I need to talk to my insurance company but they were so shitty with me when the roof ended work that I am dreading it - so I need to know what to say. I can’t afford to do anything - it’s really stressing me out but it needs addressing fairly soon.
My mortgage hasn’t left my bank account yet despite it being the 2nd - which is unusual - and when it does, along with a few other costs - I’ll be broke. I am owed a bit but it’s not great. I’m actually in Debt now - I managed to pay off the small loan I took out after I was ill but now I have a bigger one - it’s only £100 a month and that’s manageable - but it’s something I never wanted to have happen. What really annoys me it that I have constant monthly costs now - my broadband, mortgage, studio, software licence, very cheap mobile, Webhosting and council tax all mount up and all go out on different days - it’s just spinning plates. I find everything getting on top of me and playing on my mind all the time - it’s stopping me from concentrating on work. I honestly don’t see things getting any better soon and I’m running out of clever ideas - I don’t have much left that I can sell - the real problem is lack of decent commercial work. I get constant requests for ‘mates rates’ and freebies - or just ‘advice’. It’s actually very difficult to know when to say yes and when to say no. When I was in Debt before - I had everything piled onto a single credit card - it was actually much more manageable than this, and although to was a problem - I found it much easier to cope with. I always saw it as a temporary blip that I could get past, which I did, I don’t feel like that now. The fact that I have so many outgoings - just to keep the lights on - is really fucking everything up. I put a lot of effort into NOT getting depressed about things. A thousand pounds is going to vanish from my account tomorrow in various standing orders. I have also considered getting a credit card in case I have vets fees in the future, just in case. I try not too think about where I’d be if I hadn’t had that accident.
I also need to sort out the garden fences, I was out there yesterday and could see into next doors kitchen - there was a woman in a white uniform making a cup of tea - presumably she has daily help now that’s she’s less mobile. I felt a bit guilty that was I was relieved she couldn’t come into the garden and moan at my not having replaced the fences yet, at least my garden is nice to look at. Thats something.
I seem to be having real problems with Google Chrome at the moment - not sure why. I’ll have to delete the cache and have a look later.