The weather is rubbish. Cold, dark and wet. Totally appropriate. I'm listening to radio 3 because Radio 4 is just unbearable on a Saturday (and often through the week). I've also run out of coffee.
I've had a rubbish week. It started well - I have a client who is relying on me too much but is very happy with my work - I'm actually getting on really, really well with all my clients and they seem to be extremely happy with me - even I'm happy with my work. I completed one project that will be advertising a new book on the London Underground that will get a lot of attention - can't say what it is yet, it's a big secret - and it wasn't a particularly challenging project - but I enjoyed doing it. I've designed a restaurant in Bexhill - almost literally every part of it - for almost no money - but it will look very good. I also appear to have quite a bit of stuff coming up - I can't really pretend it's all 100% certain - but hopefully I'll be OK with it all (it never works out like that - we'll see).
I other news - small dog ate a pair of my shoes yesterday and is now 'saving her water' so she can piss in the house rather than outside. Often as much as 3 times a day. Occasionally more. She can go within 5 mins of being brought back from a long walk.
This week should have been much better. Last week I spent a lot of time dealing with the inland revenue and trying to put my finances back in order after last year now that I am back at work. They were actually OK and I came to a good arrangement with them - I also spoke to both my bank and building society about my options and both made very positive noises. I worked out that I could take a bank loan - which would reduce my outgoings considerably, resolve all my issues with the revenue and make sure I was on steady ground as my work started to pick up properly again. Unfortunately - both my bank and building society have changed their mind, Despite the fact I have no debt whatsoever apart from my told tax bill (and the revenue have accepted that I won't have any tax to pay next year) - 50% equity in my house and a long record of staying in credit and always paying my bills - they made it quite clear that actually, no - I can't have any kind of bank loan at all. Nothing. My mortgage company would consider changing my product that may reduce my monthly outgoings, slightly - which I don't want to do as I only have 18 months left on the fixed rate period - but I would have to pay fees amounting to about £3k - which is frankly all I needed anyway, and only an idiot would go down that road - and because of the drop in my income from being ill last year - my credit rating as a self employed person is now nothing - so I probably couldn't even get my own mortgage. (In fact I'm certain of it). This may explain why so many people end up going to loan sharks. I'm a but fucked now - all that work trying to sort things out is wasted - I have an arrangement with the revenue I can't keep. I can't borrow money even though I own half this house and have plenty of work on, I'm going to really struggle now and could end up in a worse financial position that I need to be if the revenue turn nasty or I have any client problems - and I'm seriously thinking that my only practical option might be to sell my house before I'm forced to - it could come to that. I'll never get back on the property ladder, I'll never get back that 6 months I've lost and I'm really sick of having to spin plates.
I've not really talked to anyone about it - most people I know are quite comfortable - or actively waiting for their parents to die so that they can inherit the house they have in London etc. I've noticed that some people have backed away from me because there really isn't anything I can do for them now and I have nothing to offer - in fact, when you have problems - some people become actively hostile.
I brought my main hard drive home with my for the weekend and I'm going to do the best I can to come up with 'options' and plan as much as possible. There are a couple of people that have been pissing about over money and I have to be a bit forceful with - and I hate doing that, and I think I can stall anything bad happening for a while.
The guy I spoke to at my bank really managed to make things worse by being very 'sympathetic' - asking what I did for a living and then saying 'oh yes, I did that - that's why I work in a bank now" and asking if I wanted to be referred to a department that helped people who can't manage their money. I was quite offended by that. He also suggested I to try to get a credit card - but that would just make things worse.
I'm really fucked off now. I have to do as much as I can over the weekend because I have work to start on Monday and I need to be in the right frame of mind. I also need coffee. I'll need to cancel my next dental appointment - that costs too much, and see what else there is (almost nothing I can think of) and start being even more creative than usual.