Sunday, 4 January 2015


Very cold, bright and clear. Just completed the mid day dog-walk and spent as much time as possible in the light and warmth of what passes for the sun.

Have cleaned the house from top to bottom, except the bathroom - which is waiting for me now, and am about to pack up my bag in readiness for work tomorrow. My alarm clock has broken - I actually bought it while I was still living in Brighton, it could be about 20 years old. It's supposed to 'key' onto a satellite to ensure that the clock is always right - but now refuses to do so. I'll have to buy another one now.

Tomorrow, back to the studio - in the morning I'll be writing an invoice, moving a few bit's of paper around, making a few email contacts and then wondering what to do next. If you have a job, lucky you - hit the year running and look forward to your next pay day. I have about 6 weeks of waiting for the rest of the world to catch up - January is always a very lean month.

I'm quite pleased with myself in one way - I only drank Xmas day at lunch and on the following Sunday at Vinyl night, otherwise I ate properly and kept my head. I probably ate too much (being at home means I snack constantly) but it hasn't done me any harm. Not eating meat, sweets or processed food means I can pretty much eat anything to excess without suffering.

I have absolutely no enthusiasm for this year whatsoever, nor optimism. The general election could go horribly wrong - nobody wants to talk about the very real prospect of Cameron holding onto power by going into a form of coalition with UKIP. Work looks grim - I seriously can't have a repeat of this year, and I can't see how I'll be able to work any harder. I'm crawling towards 50, I've noticed that my hearing isn't as sharp as it was a year ago, and I'm facing huge costs to keep the house going - even basic repairs are out of my range at the moment.

I'm finding it incredibly easy to offend people at the moment - I don't even have to try, but in fairness - they are generally finding it quite easy to offend me. I seem to be surrounded by people who either want something - or who have manoeuvred themselves into a position of security and comfort and feel that it gives them the right to tell me where I'm going wrong. The next person to start a sentence with 'What you should do is..." isn't going to come out of the room in one piece.

Obviously - I have a great deal to be thankful for - I'm healthy - still have my own teeth, live in a house I superficially own and in a country where they don't hang people like me from lamp posts or the neighbours solve disputes by placing burning tyres around peoples necks - but I'm really uncomfortable about this year, and frankly - very worried. I'm the best problem solver, and most practical person I know - but there may come a point this year when I just run out of ideas and options. I have no idea what I'm going to do then, and I'm all too well aware of what could happen.

I think I'll clean the bathroom while it's still mine.

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