Friday, 31 October 2014

I woke up at 5am, it was still dark. I had a bad feeling about today, so I made the decision to work at home. I spent all day doing something that my client probably thinks I spent 2 hours on, that’s all he would be happy to pay for. I took advantage of the quiet to do a proper job, but I won’t get paid any more. At least I’m happy with it.

A couple of new pieces of work have come in, both good projects, but have not yet agreed the fee on them yet and that usually kills them - as most people seem to think I work for free, or less than free.

I was supposed to have been paid on Wednesday - it’s the 2nd week that they promised I would be paid - I spent all the money in the bank on bills and getting the house and contents insurance - and of course, I’ve not been paid. I now cannot pay my mortgage - which means I’ll have to pay loads of bank charges. I’m really, really pissed off. I don’t think it’s because they are deliberately trying to hold back, and I don’t think it’s because they can’t afford to pay me - it’s either a genuine oversight, or something else. The woman in charge of accounts erroneously believes that I didn’t pay her husband for a project 15 years ago - I’ve been told that in confidence by a mutual friend, I’ve always suspected there was something in the background. The truth is very different - I generated a piece of fake work to help her husband out when he was desperate and paid off his credit card bill myself rather than give him the money - he was always rubbish with money and we used to be best friends so I was happy to help. I think that she just thought that something had happened at the time - and I didn’t pay the bill - and it’s just carried on from there - in fact, it’s much worse than that - a few years later when they were moving house he came to see my in a really bad state because he’d been a bit over optimistic about the money he had and I had to lend him his part of the deposit - literally the day before they moved. I never got it back, it was a lot of money - at the time I had some savings, a couple of years later he became very ill and nearly died, and I decided that I’d rather have him alive than worry abut the money - were were really good friends once. That was 10 at least years ago. There have been may times when I really needed that money back. Like today.

Hottest day in months - hotter weather due tomorrow - something disturbing about wearing a T shirt in November.

Fiona Woolf resigns. Of course she has. Anyone who has the ‘full confidence’ of our increasingly absurd and out of touch  Prime Minister is doomed. She was always a bad choice. This investigation is too important, there are things that will come out of this that are going to be so dreadful that it needs the most independent and honourable people at the helm. She was never going to have the confidence of the victims. You cannot expect someone like that to understand the damage done to people who have nothing, came from nothing and were treated so badly - she is from another planet. I’m sure she’s a decent and talented woman who would have done a good job, but she’s too ‘establishment’ - and it’s the ‘establishment’ that is implicated in the facilitation and cover up of the abuse of so many children.

Halloween (I forgot) - I only realised when I went out to get some food. There are more kids around here now - half the houses on my street seem to be expecting callers - God help anyone who knocks here. I’ve moved the computer into the dining room and have all the lights out.

This week has been shit. Really shit. Next week won’t be any better. I was at the studio yesterday and I thought to myself that people have called the Samaritans over less.  I remember when I was in my 20’s - I was afraid of nothing - I had no problems just generating money from nothing, buying a house without a deposit or a job, whatever came my way - I could just deal with it and find a way to make it work out. But now - seriously, I have no idea what I’m doing.

There isn’t anything I can do about anything that’s wrong at the moment, so I did the only thing I could do. I bought 4 cans of beer and a family trifle.

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