Thursday, 11 September 2014

Thursday evening

I'm at home after a phenomenally exhausting day. Watching a documentary about Ebola might not be the best idea. Last night I watched one about Mark Rothko - someone I've never really thought about - but I really enjoyed it, very engaging and made we want to learn more about him. I also watched something about Barbara Hepworth but I was too tired to focus.

I have spent almost the whole day trying to persuade printers to work with me on an urgent and very difficult packaging job - have someone in Mmaidstone now - I'm paying through the nose. Searching the country to find a particular kind of paper in a specific sheet size delivered by Monday is frankly - beyond frustrating. I think we are 90% of the way there. I am double booked tomorrow - actually, treble book - two of the jobs are unpaid (erhem... goodwill) and all very stressful. Today I went into work early - realised I'd forgotten both my wallet and laptop - and had to cycle back home again. Yesterday I forgot my cycle helmet - only realised half way down the hill, at great speed. I'm not complaining, at least I don't have Ebola.

I watched 'Grey gardens' again the other night - the first time I saw this I was about 19 and living in Peckham - it was a revelation. It's still astonishing and I see something new every time. One thing that really struck me, Little Edie addresses the camera early on and explains 'it's so difficult, sometimes, to draw the line between the past and the present, so difficult" - probably the truest and most profound thing I've ever heard.

For some reason, senile greyhound has started to smell exactly the way he did when he was a puppy - it's a lovely, buttery, suede smell, a bit like a horse - I have no idea what that means.

My friends mum is in an experimental clinic in Mexico getting some cutting edge cancer treatment that isn't available in Europe - she's sold her house to pay for it (it's a lot, seriously - if she lives, she'll be destitute), It's astonishing what you can achieve when you really have to - I don't know how they do it.

The couple across the road who split up recently seem to have got their marriage back on track - they are celebrating by having their huge concrete driveway replaced with block paving. There was a lot of noise from the jack hammers. Didn't seem to bother the dogs.

I haven't really been engaged with the world this week - but did catch a report about the Pestorious trial - I found it vaguely patronising and a bit racist that every news report seemed to express mild surprise that the presiding judge ( a highly respected black woman) seemed to come across as intelligent, thoughtful, measured and just. The verdicts on day one were exactly what I expected - there was never any evidence he intentionally murdered his wife, tomorrow may be different.

The dark grey paint on my front door looks really patchy - I'm livid - even though I'm certainly the only person to notice - I need trivial things to take my mind off the big things.

13 years since 9/11. Amazing how much clarity I have in my memories of that day, I can remember even the most minute details. I think that one of the strangest things about it, was that so much of that day was taken up with things being repeated and shown on a loop, over and over. Greater Horrors.

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