Tuesday

Spent most of last night unable to sleep, fretting about a commission I may - or may not accept. I've never regretted turning work down - I've only regretted things I have done and that have gone really badly wrong, and spent years regretting it. I'm putting together a proposal today - it's an industry I know far more about than the client realises - so I'm very cautious - and there seem to be too may people involved in the chain - I just want to isolate my part and get on with it - and be paid properly - that might not seem like too much to ask... but in my industry... forget it.

Worrying about it ruined my day yesterday - and I've come out in a nervous rash, which is a bit silly for a bloke of my age - but...well, that just the way it is.

I'm not bothering with the news at the moment - I'm still trying to figure out what the terms ;aggressive homosexual' and 'actively homosexual' actually mean - they seem to be degrees of guilt and put me in mind of Germany in the 1930's. "Have you ever been active, aggressive, a boy scout, or had a Jewish grandparent". Baroness Trumpington ( you really couldn't make that up.... no wonder the foreigners laugh at us ) was on the radio at the weekend, and despite being mostly entertaining, if a little old and cranky - managed to fuck up her life's work by using the final few broadcast seconds top rant on with her 'children should never be allowed to have gay parent figures' creed - the studio fell silent - mostly through shock - as we tumbled into a dreary news story. Stupid woman.

Yesterday - I'd missed breakfast so at 8am found myself at MacDonalds waiting for a coffee and muffin. My guilt and shame was relieved by the girl in front of me - despite being the size of a small family car, ordering two Chocolate Sundae type deserts for her breakfast.