Wednesday, 30 January 2013


I had my eyes tested yesterday, I wasn't looking forward to it - I have a poor track record with doctors, dentists and opticians - anything medical really. I chose a 'high street retailer/chemist' - you know the one - every time I go into a 'proper' optician they take one look and ignore me, shuffling papers and looking seriously at their screen, while I wander aimlessly around - trying to try on glasses that either have giant security tabs on them or are in locked cabinets, and usually shuffle out - low self esteem intact. I don't know what the FUCK these people are doing - but they seem to spend all day on their arses pretending to work and sneering at you.

The eye test was fine, the optician was lovely - and made me feel comfortable - she did remark that all indications were that I was in exceptional health - except for the needing glasses bit. The actual environment was rubbish - it had all the charm of waiting for an internal examination at an immigration checkpoint. The text card I had to read was grubby and full of typographic errors. Once I'd finished and thanked the lovely Amanda - and picked up my prescription, the true horror was revealed. I was passed onto the woman who managed the area - determined not to let me leave without spending money on a particularly SHIT pair of frames. The range was rubbish, I couldn't tell the difference between men's and women's - and besides... I need glasses, something that the woman hadn't actually registered. She told me I needed to be 'on trend' and 'modern' and kept thrusting a pair of Ted Baker frames with vile wire decorations on the side - absolutely ADAMANT that I should take them (£145) "these are you, these are the ones, you're trendy, take these' - no reference to the fact they didn't suit me or that I have a square head and they don't actually fit. I did tell her that I have trouble with sunglasses because I need quite a wide fitting but she ignored me. I told her that I hadn't thought about frames yet and that She could sense a lost sale and pursed her lips, "oh well - if I see you back here again I suppose you'll be holding someones hand' - at this point I nearly struck her down.t I might give myself time to think about it and bring someone back who could tell me if they suited me or not. I paid for my consultation and asked how long it takes for a pair of glasses to be made up -"A week' she muttered under her breath - this was probably quite optimistic - whilst waiting I listened to the two girls who worked on the desk, it seems they lose every pair of glasses they order and spend all day chasing them about.

I might try Specsavers later today.

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