Sunday

Rain all night - they squalls and violent hailstorms - with thunder and lightening for the morning. Managed to walk the dogs on the beach this afternoon - huge waves, very exciting.

Horrible days are bad enough - Sundays are worse. Have done a lot of washing, made a very good bean casserole that involved a lot of overnight soaking - lovely.

I may lead a fairly dull and unconventional life, up here at the top of the hill, in an old house that needs a fortune spent on it - but I like the way things are and go to a lot of trouble to maintain the status quo - and my autonomy - having had to work very hard to get some freedom of choice and quality of life - I'm prepared to fight to keep it. What I find astonishing is how easily some people I know manage to repeatedly fuck everything up and create chaos - and then drag me into it all to calm things / sort things / fix everything. All through this year I've been dragged into drama after drama - like some kind of cross between Miriam Stoppard and a mobile hairdresser. I've just had to deal with something that would have seemed so absurd and abstract a week ago - that it doesn't bear thinking about - I really can't understand what is wrong with people sometimes, I've had it all this year - a murder, various separations, a breakdown ( or two ) overdoses, attempted suicides, dealing with the police on several occasions and arranging an emergency mental health intervention over the phone with a doctor I don't know, and having to persuade a car load of policemen that X wasn't really going to kill themselves, despite what they may have said on facebook - because they are too heavily sedated. I really think I'd be better off with no friends at all. I wouldn't mind, but these are all nice, respectable, educated, middle class people with decent careers. Most of them read the Guardian.