Public Enemies.

I worked out that in the approximate time it takes Wayne Rooney to empty his bowels - he earns about £60, that's based on a 24 hour day. If it were the usual 8 hour working day it would be three times that much. Rooney earns more money shitting in a year than I earn working my arse off ( there is probably a better way of phrasing that but I can't be bothered ), in fact - his bodily function earn more than the average weekly wage - my income stream equates to his stream of piss.

It is impossible to justify his income - nobody is worth that much money, for anything. When you think how cheap life really is - malaria pills, water cleaning tablets, basic health education, inoculations - Rooney has the power to change and save thousands of lives every year, even in the UK - he has almost unlimited powers... but that's not really the point. Even from a business point of view - how can any Chief Executive commit that much potential debit to a single investment, it's just not credible that Rooney can earn enough money to return the long term investment. It's madness. M.U. are not even in good financial health - they are in massive debit and have a really shaky future ahead. As their legion of fans are being squeezed by the credit crunch on one side and cuts on the other - there is a limit to what they can expect in terms of ticket prices and merchandise revenue. They don't even know when he will be able to play again - probably not even this year.

It wouldn't be so bad if he was actually likeable - but he's a twat. An ugly, stupid, moronic little fuck who represents everything bad about society. Faithless, ignorant, shabby little wanker with a nasty, gold plated princess bride who has nothing to do but preen and pout. They don't even represent aspiration - nobody is going to want to make their lives better by their example, nobody will look at Rooney and say "...son... I want you to go to college... get a promotion... save for a house... read a book" - it's shallow, pointless and purile. They have the same problem as Kerry Katona - all the chances in the world, all the money, success and opportunity - they are still trash. They don't even have the balls to hang around and face the music, they are fucking about in Bahrain - fucking and shopping.
What kind of people name their first born after the noise you make when you clear phlegm from your throat?

My only consolation is that Rooney is so stupid he's bound to fuck it all up, a la Mike Tyson. He's already had a good go.