My Journey. by T Blair, aged 14 and 1/3

"It was all getting too much, the bodies were piling up in Iraq - rioting on the streets and another bank rate rise slashing the value of my property portfolio. Euan was back in prison after another scrap in Annabells and Harriet has escaped from the Attic and is running around the topfloor startingfires and cackling madly at the moon.


I realised I couldn't carry on - I poured an outrageously large Pimms and sank into an alcoholic oblivion for almost 9 minutes. As the fruity nectar touched my lips I knew I was lost. Gordon had already been hiding cherry brandy bottles around the flat where the staff could find them, the pity in their eyes was almost too much for me to bear. I had to pull myself together - people needed me, the world needed me. I dropped to my knees and prayed to Saint Diana, I felt her presence waft over me like a gentle dusting of sweetly scented Glade air freshener. "Save them from themselves" she softly pleaded. I rushed into the counting house where Cherie was chastising the governor of the Bank Of England over the price of Krug. As I flung my arms around her I disloged her Dutch cap - the rest is history."

Tomorrow - my cure for all the worlds ails, and and the day Gordon gave me a Chinese burn.