Monday, 9 March 2015


Early start - first thing this morning I got caught in an email chain between 2 people working for the same company who don't communicate well enough and keep asking me to do conflicting things - and I can't please both of them. My head hurt really badly after 20 mins.

Then, a strange issue with the software I licence I need for my work came up - despite being on top of my monthly payments and all my details bring up to date - I had an alert to say I was being locked out from my account. 50 mins of 'live chat' with an adobe representative in India, and about 6 of his colleagues who may have been in different parts of the continent - and I was a mental wreck.

It went a lot like this.

In the afternoon - I had a coffee with someone I know who has taken an office in the next building and has the world's largest and most complete animal rights archive and library. Spent a very happy hour talking through ideas to capitalise on it and market better.

When I arrived home - small dog had destroyed the over priced foam cushion I bought and covered last week. I could have burst into tears - or wrung her neck, or both. Fifty fucking quid pissed away.

I had come home early to prepare for my 'call' to the Inland Revenue. I spent a lot of time over the last week gearing up to it and was well prepared. Alas - it took 3 hours to get through - and during that time I spoke to several computers, held so long that my fingers locked around the receiver and had to talk to a couple of very rude, disinterested operators. Eventually, I got through to a woman with a soft Lancashire accent on a really terrible line (she apologised) and had the first decent, human conversation with the revenue in my entire career. Not only was she friendly, reasonable and professional - she was amenable and very professional. My payment plan was accepted straight away - in fact - I was told that I was probably paying too much and they would accept less. I was also told not to get too stressed out and call if there were problems. It also underlined that a couple of times I have been lied to by the revenue. It's still going to be really difficult for me over the next year - but I feel a lot better. It's hard to explain what it's like when you try everything you can to keep things going and do your best - and on the surface - everything is fine, and work is improving, but something like this just conspires to bring you down, and things that are out of your control keep kicking you when you're down. I suppose if I didn't live on my own I'd have someone to verbalise with and I'd have more perspective - but I can honestly tell you that there were a couple of points around Xmas when Ii felt so dark I seriously considered contacting the samaritans (They have a drop-in centre in Hastings, with my luck - I'd have been seen by someone I know and don't like)

Tomorrow morning I have a meeting about something I don't understand - then in the afternoon a meeting where I have to persuade a client to change the way the work for the better - and do a bit of conflict resolution for other people - and on Wednesday morning I have a meeting with someone who is going to be in New York the night before and is quite sure they will be 'fine'.

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