Monday

My bumpy start to the year continues, despite my best efforts - I'm still struggling to come to terms with 2014. Work continues to be a very bumpy ride, not just for me - spent the weekend fretting and have just had a conversation with someone in the studio who did the same thing. I did quite a bit of sorting out over the weekend - came across a box of old photographs that included about 30 of me - unusual, I didn't think I had let myself be photographed that often - I hate seeing myself in pictures - this lot spanned my entire adult life - depressingly I look a lot better when I'm overweight.  I really didn't recognise myself in may of them - I just don't think they look like me, or how I remember myself looking. Actually - I seem to have been better looking than I remember, wish I'd known that at the time. Oddly, yesterday on facebook I realised that someone I know is friends with someone I had a short and pretty pointless relationship with back in 1989 - while I was still a student. This didn't cheer me up.

I had to spend part of the weekend considering the possibility that I may have to move back to London for work if this year continues to be difficult - it's something that fills me with absolute dread and horror - both from a personal and professional perspective. Despite the fact that I'm working and busty enough - there is almost no scope locally for what I do, I need to work in London anyway - just to stay in my industry - or at the very least spend more and more time up there participating more in the industry - a very tiring and expensive pastime - having the dogs is becoming a huge burden in some ways, as is the basic cost of living. I'll wait and see what happens between now and Easter before I get too stressed out - but I'm not that optimistic unless something unexpected happens. I'm getting lots of interest - but most clients don't want tp spend money on the stuff I do, despite the fact it's really important, they just want to piss it all away on pointless and poorly considered digital and inept marketing.

Talking dogs. Small dog has an armchair in the dining room that she sits in when she guards the garden through the patio doors. Last night she started barking hysterically, it was dark and I could see a strange, ghostly face in the window - I thought it was a badger but it turned out to be a border terrier that had tunnelled it's way through a neighbours garden fences into mine. They were pleased to get to back.

Over a month without meat and almost a month without alcohol - feel and look loads better, cutting out the meat was actually much easier than I expected this time, and I was never that interested in drink anyway - could do with making sure I keep my weight up - that was my downfall last time, but my appetite has almost run down to nothing.

It's going to be another week of high winds and rain, today is the only day with any expected sun, and only until mid afternoon. Cold, wet, windy, dark... depressing