Thursday

Last night - I had probably the single most disturbing and unpleasant dream of my life - really horrible - and unlike most dreams  - it seems to want to hang around in my head. It was set in my childhood - in my old bedroom, and was something that didn't happen in real life - although I can understand why some people have these 'recovered' memories in later life that they insist are real but nobody else recalls.

Probably prompted by a conversation I had last night with my brother, who had just returned from the funeral of a not very favourite aunt. Whilst I can't possibly pretend to have had the worst childhood in the world - I've tried very hard to forget most of it, and reminders are most unwelcome. There was some comedy in the conversation, apparently the local authority up in the dreary little welsh town I come from have decided to close the cemetery at pm - leaving a group of elderly people wimpering outside with floral tributes - and only my brother to have to common sense to step over the 3 foot railing and say 'fuck it - they can't arrest you for putting flowers on a grave". Everything up there seems to be the same - endless gossip and history repeating, old resentments and arguments, the only bright spark is my cousin Anthony, who seemed to endure a lifetime of bad luck - and despite being paralysed in an accident some years ago, has now reinvented himself as Tina, with some considerable success, and good luck to her.

Rain, Rain, Rain - the whole house smells damp as huge amounts of the wet stuff lashes the top of the hill. It's so dark I have to have the lights on all day. I have a small period where I'm not actually that busy at work - and quite solvent, I have loads to do - stuff for the inland revenue and gearing up to market myself and get new work, archiving and other long term stuff - but I really need to make good use of this time. Now that everything is at the studio - I realise I have nothing to do at night - which means I can read, watch films, have a life etc.

I decided to treat myself last night and bought some cut-price Parma Ham - I eat so little meat that it was quite an occasion, but just as I was about to consume it - I remembered Lady GaGa and her stupid meat dress, and had to give it to the dog.