Hello darkness, my old friend

Up at 3am after an ill advised pizza, a mistake I've made one time too many.

Yesterday had been going so well - I've picked 4 more days commercial work this week - sent off a large invoice and picked up a very large cheque which is clearing as we speak - in fact - it's the 'magic' cheque - the one that will make me solvent - pay off my tax bill - overdraft, any outstanding amounts I owe, and then allow me to do something extravagant - like going into a shop, seeing something I like - then buying every colour... not that I would, but it's nice to fantasize. By the end of this week - all I will have hanging over me is a mortgage, and at 45 - that's pretty good going, I am the only person I know without credit of any kind. I know a girl who owes more on her credit card than she earns in over a year ( that used to be me ) I may just spend the weekend basking in the fruits of my considerable labour. I had considered for a long time that the day I got the revenue off my back - I'd buy champagne, but now I don't fancy anything - there is a feeling of acute anti-climax. I need new glasses anyway, so I'll probably just spend the money on that. I am also thinking about getting the front of the house re-rendered... oh, the glamour of it all!

I also had a meeting with a new client who I may or may not work for - I'm honestly not sure about them - the more I express my disinterest and lack of enthusiasm - the keener they seem to be.

The new studio at college is working really well - it's another freshers fair today and a student from last year who is now working in New York is popping over to talk about how you go from washing dishes in a crappy restaurant in St Leonards to crashing fashion parties in the Meat Packing district in 3 years.

It's probably a good thing I'm up early - I have a couple of things I need to finish early and I'm going to be out for the middle part of the day - might pick up a film to watch later.

I was with some friends yesterday afternoon and they had a long, animated conversation about what was on the telly at the moment - it meant nothing to me at all. I like the feeling.

I'm re-reading David Knayaston's 'Austerity Britain' at the moment - very good indeed... and all too familiar. I had a conversation with a local friend and client ( who actually is rich and very successful ) about the local hoi-poloi, this part of the coast is brimming with superficially rich and successful former media types who go to great lengths to give the impression they are doing really well ( "rolling joints on the bonnets of their Chelsea Tractors in the pub car park") but are all broke and lying through their teeth - if the economy gets any worse, it will all come crashing down quite spectacularly. I know several people in their 40's who have finally spent the last of their trust fund and all the money from "the house in London we made a killing on" is now gone - they are giving a very good impression of not being too bothered but you can see the scared, haunted look in their eyes. I bet they regret all that coke now... tossers. I also know several well appointed couples who have very rocky marriages that have been cushioned by an artificially high standard of living - once the credit dries up and and they have to start starring at each other over an evening meal of Bulgarian Merlot and Iceland pizza - they won't last a fortnight. ( There is actually a very good, and actually very likeable film and video director in town that I'm great friends with who does all his shopping at Iceland - apparently you can get a £1.99 pizza that you can pass off as your own if you just add a bit of xtra topping )

Don't worry - I won't let 'being in the black' go to my head - it's bound to be a temporary state anyway. Normal service will be resumed. I can't manage being smug for more than a few days, anyway.