Don't go Back to Black.

It's been roughly a week since Amy Winehouse died, I was neither shocked nor surprised to see her go, and quite dismissive on the day. I hate waste, talent in particular. She was an utter train wreck - and the circus around her brought out the worst in everyone. I did a picture search and was quite saddened by some of the really bad shots of her when she was a rock bottom, wizzend, shriveled, hard, chaotic and screaming - it's a shame that she got her looks and relative health back only to lose everything. I've softened a bit since last week. I was not, in truth - not a big fan. I like a few tracks, but most struck me as effected and pastiche - the better work owed more to sharp production, she could quite easily have ended up as her own tribute band.

I don't have a great deal of patience with addicts - particularly the domestic type - alcohol is a great social tool, and I love a drink - nothing can be better than an evening with friends in the pub or around the dinner table with beer or wine, but alcoholics are something else. In truth - I do believe that there are genetic as well as phsycological aspects to alcoholism. Being the child of a lifelong alcoholic you get to see it all, every stage of the 'disease' - ( I have issues with that word ). From the controlled, managed drinking, the secret stage, the aggression and detatchment from everything else, and the sadness, waste and self destruction that comes with it. Most of all I'm angry because alcoholics never really understand the damage they do to the people around them. No matter how badly they abuse their bodies, ruin their careers and their own lives - it's nothing to the harm they do to everyone else.

There has been a lot of bullshit talked about Amy Winehouse in the last week, mostly by people who have no idea what they are talking about, but like to have their say. The only person who could have helped Amy, was Amy herself - so don't waste your time feeling sorry for her, or weaving a tragic story - she was a grown woman who had a lifetime of choices to make, and she just made the wrong ones. At some point she got to the stage when it wasn't possible for her to make the right choices any more - and perhaps where the genetic and phsycological aspect kicks in. My mother was an acute manic depressive, alcohol was a far superior self medication to the alternative - which, in her generation, would have been pretty brutal. I don't think it helps that everyone around her was prepared to pretend it wasn't happening, or was quite happy to see it kept behind closed doors. 20, 30, 40 years of turning a blind eye.

Maybe Amy would have cleaned herself up, made better choices, found happiness... I don't know - nobody does, at least we are spared the sight of a more extended decline, and the descent into the self loathing, self destructive and bitter shell that may people with her problem become - but she did have choices - just like everyone else. She made a lot of very bad ones, and ran out of time before she could make better.