Letter to the Prime Minister ( in post today )

Dear Mr Cameron.

I have had a brilliant idea that may partly solve some of our financial problems - and resolve a few little issues that have been causing you stress recently.

Inspired by the free market economy principle - and the concept of generating income by selling off our forests ( either capitaising on our unused assets or flogging off the family silver, depending on your perspective ) - I propose that you monetise another under valued and rather creaky asset.

Why not privatise our M.P's?

We can sell them off to institutions and big business, allow them to be sponsored or even 'time - shared' ( I'm sure that nice Mr Clegg will go for that one ).  I'd like to suggest my own M.P. as a test case - she no longer lives in the constituency, and as most people here consider her to be a disposable asset anyway, we could put her out to tender straight away. I would have thought that Murdock or one of the Russian Oligarchs would be delighted to snap her up. Just look at the vast sums of money that football transfers accrue - and whilst I doubt that Ms Amber Rudd will fetch such dizzy heights as a premiership player ( she's more Sunday League, if you know what I mean ), I'm sure one of the Red Tops would love to brand her up, possibly with some kind of tattoo or something.

Think of the benefits. Poorly performing members can be de-commissioned like the Ark Royal or sold for scrap like the Nimrod or the Harriers - they would be able to claim expenses from someone else for a change - all tax deductable, of course - and they could even be listed on the stock exchange. No more expensive elections - just hostile takeovers and the occasional bit of asset stripping ( I think that's what happens when you re-organise constituancy boundries to swallow up 'difficult' members from 'the other side' ).

The public won't mind - they have very little interest in the Boardroom and will probably just ignore politics now, so you can get on with things. We could have TV shows like The Apprentice to pick our next cabinet members, or Dragons Den to decide on public funding issues ("Libraries, hmm.... I don't think that will work as a business model - I'm Out!)

So go on then, give it a go - I'm happy to list her on ebay later today if you are busy - or put an add in Exchange and Mart - she could be listed under 'boot sale' or 'odds and sods'. Personally - I think it could be a nice little earner for you (taps nose) - some of the more popular MP's will fetch a decent price so I'd start getting my deposit ready now - you could make quite a bundle.

best regards

Your humble servant ( or possibly just one of the little people who pays your wages )

Richard de Pesando

ps - can we have our culture back, I'm a bit lost without it... and that lawnmower we lent you last year... pretty please.