Cricket: How can you cheat at such a fucking boring game with everyone watching.....?
Paris Hilton: Skinny coke-head tart will flash cash and walk.
Cape Town: Pissed Baboons Plague Pedestrians and piss on people
Dead Spook: Possibly / maybe / potentially / definitely not dodgy / Gay / tranny / autoerotic / taliban / Welsh ( only one of these is true )
Alzheimers: Probably made worse by surgery ( my mum always said that once the air got to it - you were a gonner )
Light Bulbs: Shoppers panic buy in case of end of world, as the new ones take too long to warm up.
Leslie Grantham: Gets small role in Bulgarian Soap Opera, must learn Bulgarian.
Julie Andrews: 75th birthday spectacular canceled due to the 'talent' requesting fee larger than the national debit "we thought she'd be honoured" sobs BBC insider.
Fern Britton: fears for Fern as fat falls away "Is she too thin? what kind of example is this to young girls?"
Coronation Street Drama Shock! probably not shit.
Nigella Lawson: Just fuck off.
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